Three Little Words…

Three Little Words….

But, the realist in me whispers that they may not always be “I love you.”

I started out writing this piece to send love and anniversary best wishes to our son and daughter-in-law. I embrace both in who they are and how they have built their lives, both individually and together. Here’s to you both!

However, as usual, I lost myself in a larger picture that spread into a much wider world than that of two people. I realized that “the three little words” affect each of us in how we choose to relate to others or even in how we commit to our work.

We may not always be able to opt for the landscape (visual, cultural, occupational, medical, situational, you name it) in which we find ourselves, but we can choose the actions that shape our responses to what occupies our lives.

The three words that a ceremony triggered in my head eight years ago still remind me how personally and professionally we can choose our actions not just for a ceremony but daily. And, in that context, the most courageous acts may be unseen for they happen internally or may occur slowly.

So, if not “I love you,” what are the three words that can guide how we shape our perspectives? What are the choices that can affect us whether it is to commit to another person, to learn and become empowered, or to choose our work, or what we create and where we live to do that work?

• Perceive Possibility.

Opportunities abound, many “hidden in plain sight.” They are the possibilities that we see in others, that lie in each of us, for what we can be. They lie in the layers of our past, present, and future. They present themselves when we hope for them, when we least expect them, even when we aren’t even interested.

Whether we are walking towards a commitment to another person, creating a piece of art, remodeling a historic house, or taking an entrepreneurial leap, all carry risk, the possibility that our perceptions have tricked us. We may begin to doubt our ability to accurately assess.

However, if we allow ourselves to really see the possibility, to weigh and understand its potential, we perhaps will better understand it. Perhaps we even will grow more at ease with what abounds in our lives — the crazy, beautiful possibilities and their realities that surround us.

• Find Flexibility

Once we understand the possibilities, cultivating flexibility can help us plan and take action. Whether it is in our relationships with people or the work we do, we need to be willing to find creative solutions to what pops up in our lives.

For example, the artist who in the past has sold art only in galleries may suddenly see dwindling sales. Changing times may bring fewer sales, but they also bring opportunities. That artist can opt to continue exhibiting only in galleries or choose to learn more ways of reaching a broader audience. It may mean reinventing oneself or even taking a new approach to the artwork itself.

• Continue with Courage

Possibilities and flexibility cause change, which often causes fear and discomfort.

Whether it is fear of what lies in the dark under the bed, betrayal in its many forms, or how a new surface design may destroy a masterfully created pot, our natural tendency may be to opt for the comfortable, the path with the least danger.

Whether weighing a new idea or taking a new approach to one’s work, it takes courage to take the step and then stay the course. Mark Twain counseled, “Courage is not lack of fear, but control of fear, mastery of fear.”

However, I don’t know if I fully agree with his advice.

Perhaps courage isn’t about control or mastery. Maybe it’s more than the willingness to risk the distress of new experiences or failures.

Maybe it is even less about the fear and more about how we have faced it and in so doing have empowered ourselves to become more.

The time has flown since that day when friends and family gathered to celebrate a wedding of two individuals we all loved…and I ended up contemplating three little words. However, time and the now have only underlined the importance of what those words can mean.